Overwhelmed

I can see a big difference between this blog and my other old blogs lol.

No photos at all x_x

Y'know, when I was 15, young and enthusiastic, I cared about every single blog post that I posted. As in, I'll try to make each post interesting, try to take more photos to post on every single post. My blog was way more interesting then, filled with less emotions/feelings stuff too.

As I got older, blog posts get less interesting. They get filled with angsty stuff, inferiority complexes, fears and insecurities. Why?

Does it happen only to me or to everyone as well? I wish I still have the heart to make effort to make this a better blog. But my heart died long ago.

As time passes, as I got older, I start to see things that I've never bothered seeing when I was younger. My imperfections. Maybe that's why. & these heavy things, I carry on my heart. It accumulates with time, I wonder when will the weight on my heart cause me to die...

Time to get back to work before it kills me first (:

Unease

First time blogging in the morning. Slept at 2am yesterday and woke up voluntarily this morning 8am.

Stayed in bed till around 10am lol.

To think I didnt have enough sleep this whole week x_x

Y'know, I think I've seen *'s true colours in one week. And yes, I've a bad impression of *. I know Karma will hit * one day.

自所不予，勿施于人

Anyway the hole has mended itself. hahaha

Life's been good this week cus there's good company!! Hope it lasts forever (:

Upset

Why am I upset? I think I know why, but I dare not admit it :/

How can I get emotionally attached to something so fleeting?

I thought I won't be affected, but I am.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I've fallen into the hole in my heart

We're paperthin

Sian maxxxxx :(

Korean tmrw I cnfm die lol. No mood to study for korean

I miss the old times with my secondary school friends and I wished we could have classes together now :(

I hope we'll continuing being friends forever. It was nice seeing munling change LOL.

When will I change for the better?

Anyway I dunno why I'm so timid x.x Why cant I just be un-nice to people? Why must I be nice to them and then hate myself for it?

There are so many things I dun want to do, but I do, just because I want to be polite. I dun dare to be mean x.x I'm scared of being left out, I've my social needs too.

Paperthin cus I'm so weak and un-brave

& I hate myself for it.

My hair grows long

I cant tell if it's true

so many things changed over this week

I'm dying again. And the day to get over this week is friday!

just a short update... CO tmrw, dun feel like going cus feel like studying lol.

I havent started on korean or FA yet x.x

I've to go to a gathering on thurs despite a korean test on friday cus of my ego. Why is my pride so important?

But then again has studies taken a whole new place in my heart? lol

Reflection in the lake

I'm a horrible person to begin with so do not provoke me.

I cannot get too close to people cus I'll start being mean and ugly.

Do not buy anything from my parent's shop. & IT'S NOT MINE TYVM.

You can throw whatever torn/spoilt bags away. I throw alot of them away too. I do not care, cus there's nothing to care about. Material stuffs are only material. Can looking at it make you feel better? No right.

I love being mean. You have just seen the real me (:

Lost and Found

Somethings are finally over, others coming next week. A short breather for me now.

When some of the heaviest things on my heart are over, I slack for a very long time before I recover x.x

Nothing to say about my life. Not especially sad or happy. Is this homeostasis? lol