Bittersweet

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Bittersweet.
A term that a friend of mine used last time when I asked him to tell me the relationship related gossip of another guy. He refused to tell me, but he said even if the guy doesn't get together with the girl of his dreams, it would be bittersweet when "he" reminisces. I didn't think it was true but now I think it's true to a certain extent.

When I think back of the crush I had when I was secondary 2, I remembered how his class was opposite and one level below mine. I would stand by the railing as and when I was free to observe him in the class. Is it stalkerish? Hahaha. Then I think about how naive and young I was. How I was so timid and stuff. Something I really missed. All the emotions I felt.

Even if an attempt at a relationship wasn't successful, there must be some period of time when you were enjoying yourself, liking that person. You will notice every single thing that the person does and you will be happy irrationally ( due to the random stuff that your crush does). Even if all efforts come to waste, you were happy once. He/she made you happy at some point in time & that's enough.

At least that is, for me. Getting into a relationship doesn't mean you will be happier. When you think back the memories of an unrequited love, it would be bittersweet tinged with regret. Compare it to the memories of your ex, is it all hatred and bad memories? Isn't it better for both parties to be happy without hurting each other?

Just some late night thoughts that I thought I should rant on my blog since it's quite dead x_x

Recess

A recess week which is not a recess.

I'm starting to hate macroeconomics but I know I can't :( It's really difficult, or maybe cus I did a lot at one go and all I need is to take a break and it would seem easier? I hope so x_x

Complained about macroecons to L and Y and both of them compared to this situation to the situation I had last sem. Biz analytics 2! It was difficult too but I persevered and I managed to do well for it. Hopefully this module would be the same!

I'm on to financial markets and it's crazy cus for three seminars I have to read 8 chapters from the textbook. I read really slow cus I need/want to understand every single thing before I move on and I take time to digest new concepts and stuff. I'm quite worried :'( Plus our prof was angry with our slides cus she said it wasn't exam friendly so I'm not expecting much from our project.

Life is burdensome but small joys (eg. having good delicious food for dinner, gongcha, dinner with L, studying with friends, understanding some concepts/school work that has eluded me for so long, looking at my new blog header, chinese orchestra practices)  makes me happy, 苦中作乐! I'm going to survive and I know it!!!

Everyone 加油！

p/s I really really really like my new blog header! Nice right!

V'day 2012

Sorry for the lack of posts. Been too busy with school and stuff :(
I keep going out and have no time for tutorials. I feel so worried about school. I need to be at least slightly above average for my midterms and based on how I've been coping with school recently, it's impossible. Hoping for a miracle x_x

Okay enough about school. Shall blog about v'day!

L gave me a bouquet of flowers which I took lots of pictures with. LOL

Took a close up shot of it and use instagram on it! It's my favourite photo recently and I thought it looks quite Cath Kidston-ish! L calls it "Jingth Wenston" hahaha

Went to House @ Dempsey and it has a nice ambience. Requires a long drive in though x_x

L's Prawn black pepper linguine with sprinkled caviar! I love caviar!!

My Squid ink paella

I LOVE THIS PIZZA! It's called wild mushroom something and it tastes SO NICE! The mushrooms are nice on the crispy base. Comparable to Timbre's Duck Pizza

The V'day card I made for him. Nice? hahaha

It's a wonderful night and it's time to do school work now :(

Thoughtfulness

A quality that's never in me.

I know it. I'm always not thoughtful enough to people & I'll tend to forget their inconveniences. 

Is that bad? I think it is :/

Like for example, if I go pass a drink stall or what I won't think of buying drinks for L. But there were several times that he bought a drink for me out of the blue and I never did reciprocate. Maybe I bought a cup of fruit juice for him before. That's all x_x

Guilty. 

This much needed post

Realized I haven't blog about school this sem, which is what I'm gonna talk about in this post.

Complaints about school are compulsory! Before I even KNEW it, I was flooded by schoolwork. Even now I have a backlog of things which I haven't done. Mostly are readings.

Need to get week 5 over and done with. Then one project would be down!! Can't wait.

Next is JS essay, SSS term paper and MNO project

I'm so going to conquer all of them (even if I feel quite demoralized and stressed out now) but yeah, I have to overcome them!

Alright this post is useless and you just wasted like 2 mins reading it and I wasted 5 mins typing this post. LOL.

If I die

Just walked past a funeral underneath my grandma's house and I saw the photo of the deceased. It was someone I recognized. I didn't know her name but I knew she was someone who lived above my grandma and we do greet her if we see her in the lift. That was a long time ago.

Seeing all that sent a rush of emotions and set me thinking. If I die, who would be the people attending my funeral, who would cry because of me? Who would feel sad? Would my neighbors even notice?

If I die, would anyone ever miss me? If I die, would anyone think of me once in awhile even after ten years?

Why am I even granted consciousness? Fuck this shit.

Musings

I'm lying on my bed now wide awake. Guess I'm not really tired since I slept for 9 hours yesterday. Here to share some thoughts that were on my mind.

Just now, I was reading the love stories people posted on stomp and I found myself judging them, unwittingly. By how the couples met, by the language, by their actions. I know I shouldn't do that but I can't help it. And I noticed a general theme in their stories: Promises with a big fat P.

Promises. Oh how much I hate them. Long time ago I told myself that I would try to not make promises. Not to anyone, not even to myself ( I do break it sometimes). Because I don't want to promise something then risk breaking it the next moment. Things change, but promises don't. The disappointment I would feel if someone breaks their promise can be made redundant. No promises = no disappointment = not so much unhappiness. I don't need anyone to make promises to me, I can get on fine without them.

I also hate myself for saying things to fuyan people. But it's kind of like a reflex action for me. It's just like if your girlfriend says "I love you", your reply would be something along the line of "I love you too" right? Cus you don't want to disappoint your girlfriend even if you didn't feel the love during that moment. Not that it means you don't love the person. It's just inevitable.

Ohwell time to sleep, CO practice is tmrw!