Wazzup

It's been 1.5 weeks since I started work, so I just thought I should update my blog a little.

I just finished my exams!! Like finally... I hate reading about laws and regulations. I rather learn more about concepts! So maybe I will enjoy studying for my exam more? I am most likely going to take another exam next June.

After my exams at Suntec, I met L for dinner! We went to Platypus Lobster Shack for dinner. I missed Burger and Lobster, so we went there to get our lobster fix.

We got the crustacean bowl, which includes lobster, sea urchin and cheese on rice.

Then for the lobster roll, I got the spicy garlic flavour.

 Which I regret cus the spiciness was overpowering.
L got the traditional flavour.

Then we went home.

Such is my life this days. Time passes slowly while I am at work, then speeds up after. I feel like I have barely enough time for myself, or to meet people.

This is what happens at work:

0615 : Wake up, prepare
0645 : Set off from home
0730 : Reach office and listen to the regional conference meetings
0930 : Study for my exams while keeping tabs on the market, I often get sleepy in this stage...
1215 : Lunch
1315 : Get back to desk and study for exam again
1530 : Start gathering data to do market wrap
1715 : Send market wrap to my supervisor, watch while he edits my work
1740 : Knock off!

Sian right... Plus there isn't much nice eating places around :( Lunch is my biggest motivation when working.

Currently, I have nothing much to do. I can't speak to clients yet because I haven't got my license. Now that I have passed my exams, it will take me around one month to get it. Basically, my job is to be the "ears and eyes" of the market for the clients. We service clients orders and monitor the market for them... Like a bridge between sales and trading. One thing I really have to get use is the use of vulgarities in office. Just this week, I heard my supervisor and another supervisor from another department scold "fuck you" out of anger and frustration at two different guys. I am mentally preparing myself for the day when I will get scolded. My office environment is a little like the movie <Wolf of Wall Street>, but not so extreme. The stress is really high... so I guess vulgarities in the workplace is quite common?

Sighhh. What I miss most about working is my freedom. The times when I get to do whatever I want at any time is gone...

Graduation thank-yous

It's time to give my graduation thanks now that I've got a job. Previously, I thought I should do it but I felt too sian over my jobless status to get down to posting it on my blog.

The one thing I did well for the past 22 years of my life have ended - studying. Next, I will have to compete on another field and I hope my friends and I will continue to do well! I will always look back fondly to these times...

The commencement ceremony took place on 10th July.

Here's yours truly in a graduation gown. I wore a blue blouse (which has accompanied me to most interviews as well) with a skirt as I didn't want to look like I am naked under my gown. Tradeoff was feeling hot every second I wasn't in an air conditioned room.

White for business!

Me and my parents. Words cannot express how thankful and grateful I am to my parents, who were with me for every step of my life. They not only supported me financially (16 years of allowance + school fees + sponsoring a portion for my all my overseas trips), they were always there to give me advice/help whenever I felt confused/down. It was getting to harder for them to earn money, especially in recent years and hopefully I can help out soon, when I start on my work.

The next person I wanna thank is L! I've known him since Y1S2 and he was always there for me to listen to my complaints and always found a way to make me happy. I will always remember those times when he'd surprise me with food at the MRT station after I've had a late meeting and was exhausted. And also how he would wait for me to end school at MRB and then we would head out for dinner together!

My grandma & I! She looked so happy! Cus I am the first person in the Ng family to get a degree. I used to stay at her house when I was in primary school. Some nasty things happened and we couldn't stay at her house when I went to secondary school. Despite that, my grandma and I are still very close as I would visit her house every Sunday (most Sundays anyway). I love the home-cooked food she makes! She would always make it a point to cook at least a fish dish cus she knows I like it. I like talking to my grandma as well as she always see things very simply and listening to her opinion always made me feel that I am actually very fortunate despite my problems.

My sister and I. She took leave off her internship to attend my commencement ceremony. I would be sure to return the favour two years later! Despite some occasional arguments we have, I am glad to have a sister who always know how to save money for me and talk with me late into the night! We are so comfortable with each other cus we have seen each other's worst behavior.

My korean friends!! What an enjoyable 5 months we had together... How I wish I could go back to those times. Cus I was carefree and we had such good/funny moments together. Those memories, I will hold it close to my heart.

Finally, AG Z! In biz, we kinda had classes called Alumni Group. We had the same lessons in Y1 and I really missed having lessons with them later in my uni years. Cus they are all so friendly (and not-the-super-competitive-type)! I have also made some good friends here as well.

Finally I would like to thank Oli, Debra, Max and Glenn for coming to the commencement! I really hope we will continue to stay as close cus I always have so much fun whenever we meet!

And that, is my commencement.

Cheers to our next phase of life!

The story of how I got a job

Firstly some background about myself:

After a risk management internship with a local bank, I knew what I want do in my future job and that is to be an investment/equities research analyst (do analysis of stocks and pick those that would give the highest returns). Despite knowing what I want, I knew it was extremely difficult for me to get such a job as I do not have any prior experience in the field and companies are known to hire only from the brightest in academics. But I wanted to try anyway.

So when banks started their hiring season (last year Aug - Oct) , I applied to various banks for mainly either Management Associate/ Equities Research Analyst positions. However, I wasn't good enough for the bulge bracket (BB, meaning the world's largest and most profitable) banks or even boutique investment firms, so I got zero interviews. I received rejections after rejections and I felt so depressed. I didn't try for Operations (which is easier to get in) at all because I thought I still had a bit of time. As time started to run out (Feb - Mar ) this year, I started applying for random positions just to try to get a job. I guess the competition was still too stiff then and it didn't work out. I went for 2 - 3 interviews and didn't get selected to the next round.

Then it was time to go on my graduation trips. I had a great time but I dreaded coming back because my job search experience sucked and I hated the feeling of rejection.

I came back and began job search full time. I would wake up, have a cup of milo and start sending out CVs in reply to finance/bank related job listings on the major job portals. I was giving up hope then, so I was okay with any operations job. CUS I WANTED A JOB SO DESPERATELY AND I JUST FELT SO MISERABLE. My life was starting to lose its meaning.

Then, my friend from a foreign bank recommended me for a back office position so I got an interview a week after I came back. I started doing research on that area and there were people online who didn't think there were much prospects as it is a very routine and back-end job. Then before the interview, I started tearing (omg I am so ashamed to admit this) cus I realized I didn't want to do this job. I was seriously doubting myself at that time and I felt like even though I didn't like the job I will have to do it cus I don't freaking have a job. So I went for the interview anyway... and I failed.

Why did I fail the interview? I feel like I was too straightforward. The two managers saw my resume and asked "You seem to like to do analytics and research based on what you did previously. If there are three types of job: analytics, research and ____ (their area), which job would you prefer to do and why?" I stupidly answered research. Sighhh, so maybe they thought I wasn't keen and rejected me.

That experience just served to make my life more miserable. I continued applying and before long I had 4 interviews in like 2 weeks. I was a little sad that I applied for soooo many investment/equities research job but only got 2 replies. As usual, I was quite slack in preparing for the interview. Normally, I would only prepare for an interview the day before, but my friend R was shocked that I spent so little time preparing. I bucked up and spent 2-3 days preparing for each interview.

I was selected to proceed to the next round by two companies and then came the third round. I think I was quite unlucky in that I had to go through three rounds of interview per company. I was getting a little sick of interviews and wearing the same thing! I only had like a nice blue long sleeve blouse. I do have other blouses but they weren't as new as the blue one so I just kept wearing that blouse. Hope the interviewers didn't notice. WHY 3 ROUNDS ANYWAY? SO MAFAN.

So after going through three rounds of interview for the two companies, I got two offers! Company X is a stock brokerage firm while Company Y is a foreign bank. X offered me a position in their Equities Sales and Trading Desk while Y offered me a trade support job. I took up the offer from X without letting Y know. I only informed Y after I signed the contract and they tried to persuade me to join them instead. 我心里暗爽, especially when the manager said "we interviewed 5-6 people for the job and we think you're the best and hope you would join us." I guess the manager's persuasion tactics worked cus I was so swayed.

Previously I have already made up the decision to take up the offer from X after speaking to my parents and friends and yesterday I had second thoughts again. What I like about the offer from X is that it is a role in the Front Office (profit generating hence generally higher bonuses). Even though, it is still not something I want, it would be relatively easier for me to move to research from there (cus research is also Front Office). Meanwhile it would be a herculean effort for me to move from trade support to research (Middle Office to Front Office is quite rare). Furthermore, the role in X is pretty rare and I think I only got it cus the competition got lesser and X is a stock brokerage firm (not so sought after). And also it made sense from what I have read in the forums, Front Office in small firm/boutique > operations in foreign banks.

Yayyy so I am really happy that after all this while, I managed to get a job!! I really thought all hope was lost. Now, my next worry is if I would be able to perform? From what I understand, my job scope is to give institutions advice, sell them trading ideas then help them execute (I might be wrong). I have never done this type of sales before... so I am afraid I can't perform when I start.

So so worried and sian that my holiday is going to end this week x_x

p/s: It's such a long story, I will understand if you got bored halfway and closed the tab lolol.

This nagging thought

Ever since I graduated from secondary school, I've always had this nagging thought.

What do I live for?

I have no answer. I had no answer then, I have no answer now. I just don't feel for anything so strongly that I live for it. It's like I wouldn't mind if my life ended now or anytime cus I don't have anything to live for. I wouldn't seek death but I wouldn't mind if my life ended. But I'm scared when I think of death.

Sometimes, I just feel like I am going through the motion. Like majority of people, this will likely be my life:

Study --> Go to University --> Graduate --> Get a job --> Get married --> Have kids --> Grow old --> Retire --> Die

I will be this small dot in the crowd.

I don't know why I feel this way but I do. I wonder if anyone feels the same? Sighhh

A short update

Haven't been blogging much cus I have been busy attending interviews and watching Korean dramas. I had like 6 interviews in the past 2 weeks, which I found pretty sian.

I watched <The Heirs> and <Fated to love you> Korean remake version to make me feel better. I didn't really like <The Heirs> cus it wasn't that funny (except for Lee Bo Na parts) and it was full of rich people. I dislike how Korean dramas always like to portray rich people! It's like there's at least someone super rich in every single drama I watched. WHYYY? Do Koreans envy their lifestyle so much? But I guess, as what L pointed out, it makes the drama more interesting to the viewers cus rich people can impress the protagonist and the viewers more.

Sadly, I am not rich. Sighhh