Just walked past a funeral underneath my grandma's house and I saw the photo of the deceased. It was someone I recognized. I didn't know her name but I knew she was someone who lived above my grandma and we do greet her if we see her in the lift. That was a long time ago.
Seeing all that sent a rush of emotions and set me thinking. If I die, who would be the people attending my funeral, who would cry because of me? Who would feel sad? Would my neighbors even notice?
If I die, would anyone ever miss me? If I die, would anyone think of me once in awhile even after ten years?
Why am I even granted consciousness? Fuck this shit.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Musings
I'm lying on my bed now wide awake. Guess I'm not really tired since I slept for 9 hours yesterday. Here to share some thoughts that were on my mind.
Just now, I was reading the love stories people posted on stomp and I found myself judging them, unwittingly. By how the couples met, by the language, by their actions. I know I shouldn't do that but I can't help it. And I noticed a general theme in their stories: Promises with a big fat P.
Promises. Oh how much I hate them. Long time ago I told myself that I would try to not make promises. Not to anyone, not even to myself ( I do break it sometimes). Because I don't want to promise something then risk breaking it the next moment. Things change, but promises don't. The disappointment I would feel if someone breaks their promise can be made redundant. No promises = no disappointment = not so much unhappiness. I don't need anyone to make promises to me, I can get on fine without them.
I also hate myself for saying things to fuyan people. But it's kind of like a reflex action for me. It's just like if your girlfriend says "I love you", your reply would be something along the line of "I love you too" right? Cus you don't want to disappoint your girlfriend even if you didn't feel the love during that moment. Not that it means you don't love the person. It's just inevitable.
Ohwell time to sleep, CO practice is tmrw!
Just now, I was reading the love stories people posted on stomp and I found myself judging them, unwittingly. By how the couples met, by the language, by their actions. I know I shouldn't do that but I can't help it. And I noticed a general theme in their stories: Promises with a big fat P.
Promises. Oh how much I hate them. Long time ago I told myself that I would try to not make promises. Not to anyone, not even to myself ( I do break it sometimes). Because I don't want to promise something then risk breaking it the next moment. Things change, but promises don't. The disappointment I would feel if someone breaks their promise can be made redundant. No promises = no disappointment = not so much unhappiness. I don't need anyone to make promises to me, I can get on fine without them.
I also hate myself for saying things to fuyan people. But it's kind of like a reflex action for me. It's just like if your girlfriend says "I love you", your reply would be something along the line of "I love you too" right? Cus you don't want to disappoint your girlfriend even if you didn't feel the love during that moment. Not that it means you don't love the person. It's just inevitable.
Ohwell time to sleep, CO practice is tmrw!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
L's birthday
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL!
It's pretty late and I'm still waiting for my hair to dry so I thought I might as well blog about something nice. Hate how my brain shuts down after about 12-1am. This is the time when I can't start on anything new after I finished something. Since blogging is a brainless activity...
Well, I shall blog about L's birthday! It's quite back dated alr but I was lazy to import photos into my computer.
L's present! Wrapped in yellow paper with purple polka dots and purple ribbon!
We went to this restaurant on the top floor Changi Village Hotel and it was awesome! Its outdoor seats offered a view overlooking the sea, but by the time we reached there, it was so dark that we couldn't see a thing. Attempted to sit outdoors but the wind was blowing too strongly so we ended up indoors. Their food was supposed to be nice too and it did not disappoint!
Appetizer is Parma Ham on Melon!! I like the melon more than the ham. Didn't take photo of the bread they gave, but L loved it with balsamic vinaigrette!
The main course that both of us ordered was crabmeat linguine! It's nice cus the crabmeat was really present in chunks and the sauce was awesome!!! Omg talking about it makes me feel like eating it again :(
L's current profile pic on Facebook!
It's pretty late and I'm still waiting for my hair to dry so I thought I might as well blog about something nice. Hate how my brain shuts down after about 12-1am. This is the time when I can't start on anything new after I finished something. Since blogging is a brainless activity...
L's present! Wrapped in yellow paper with purple polka dots and purple ribbon!
We went to this restaurant on the top floor Changi Village Hotel and it was awesome! Its outdoor seats offered a view overlooking the sea, but by the time we reached there, it was so dark that we couldn't see a thing. Attempted to sit outdoors but the wind was blowing too strongly so we ended up indoors. Their food was supposed to be nice too and it did not disappoint!
Appetizer is Parma Ham on Melon!! I like the melon more than the ham. Didn't take photo of the bread they gave, but L loved it with balsamic vinaigrette!
The main course that both of us ordered was crabmeat linguine! It's nice cus the crabmeat was really present in chunks and the sauce was awesome!!! Omg talking about it makes me feel like eating it again :(
L's current profile pic on Facebook!
It was awesome time together. Realized I didn't take photo of the cake and the food he and I cooked in the afternoon! Sad :(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Hectic life
On the bus to school but I feel so overwhelmed by things to do x_x
Things to do:
Read up about the US mortgage market cus I have a group project consisting of 15 pages written report + 30min presentation due on week 5
Read all the textbook chapters for week 1
Write part of the exec summary of ideasinc
Continue with sponsorships for CO
Transpose the sheng scores
Master all the pieces for concert
Does it seem like a lot? I want to stop going out and stay at home to study. Lol. Been going out too much recently and I always reach home late. Haizzz.
Things to do:
Read up about the US mortgage market cus I have a group project consisting of 15 pages written report + 30min presentation due on week 5
Read all the textbook chapters for week 1
Write part of the exec summary of ideasinc
Continue with sponsorships for CO
Transpose the sheng scores
Master all the pieces for concert
Does it seem like a lot? I want to stop going out and stay at home to study. Lol. Been going out too much recently and I always reach home late. Haizzz.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I can't help being "such a person"
No mood for school
Feeling upset too. I just feel so sianzzz
In life, if you gain something somewhere, you must lose something elsewhere. Quite true to me so far. To gain love and to get rid of solitude, to have someone who's interested in listening to all my complaints, I must give up my control over certain things.
My emotions are dependent on a certain person and this is the aspect I hate most about relationships. It's just, I don't like to depend on anyone. The thing I like most about being single is the autonomy over my emotions. I don't need to care about anyone, and there's no need to give in. I just do my own stuff, I don't care if you get angry. I don't get attached to a single person. One of my friends once said that he liked me this way, the "don't care" attitude.
After that I subsequently realized I was selfish. And maybe it was because of my "don't care" attitude that now the same friend and I became acquaintances compared to close friends last time. I know I cannot don't care about people, but it's just I can't help it.
But then, there's always an upside. The happiness derived from the same person can fill me up instantly... When I think of that, sometimes I think it's all worth it.
Today I hate myself once more, for being such a person. Then again, I can't help being "such a person" There isn't any conclusion here. Just that you have to give things up for certain other things and you just have to think of the upside when the downside is here to swallow you. Just hang on!
I like to stay up late alone at night when I'm feeling upset and that's what I'm doing nowww. Don't want to do anything and I refuse to sleep.
Feeling upset too. I just feel so sianzzz
In life, if you gain something somewhere, you must lose something elsewhere. Quite true to me so far. To gain love and to get rid of solitude, to have someone who's interested in listening to all my complaints, I must give up my control over certain things.
My emotions are dependent on a certain person and this is the aspect I hate most about relationships. It's just, I don't like to depend on anyone. The thing I like most about being single is the autonomy over my emotions. I don't need to care about anyone, and there's no need to give in. I just do my own stuff, I don't care if you get angry. I don't get attached to a single person. One of my friends once said that he liked me this way, the "don't care" attitude.
After that I subsequently realized I was selfish. And maybe it was because of my "don't care" attitude that now the same friend and I became acquaintances compared to close friends last time. I know I cannot don't care about people, but it's just I can't help it.
But then, there's always an upside. The happiness derived from the same person can fill me up instantly... When I think of that, sometimes I think it's all worth it.
Today I hate myself once more, for being such a person. Then again, I can't help being "such a person" There isn't any conclusion here. Just that you have to give things up for certain other things and you just have to think of the upside when the downside is here to swallow you. Just hang on!
I like to stay up late alone at night when I'm feeling upset and that's what I'm doing nowww. Don't want to do anything and I refuse to sleep.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
My favourite instagram photos
Ever since I got iPhone as my phone, I've been taking more photos than normal. My DSLR must be feeling lonely :( It's so convenient to use iPhone to take photos + can add different effects using apps. My favourite app is instagram cus I think it makes every photo look either beautiful or cool. Below are my favourite instagram photos. If you followed me on twitter then you should have seen them before!
Okay, end. You do realize this is a boring post? LOL
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