Traveling

As I begin my life as a working adult, I look forward to holidays more. For this year, I'll be traveling to BKK and Europe. Yes, Europe again! Burning my money. As usual I took up tuition to pay for it, so it'll be paid by one year's worth of tuition fees (actually one year of tuition fees is more than enough to cover the trip, I'll have extra to fund half a DSLR as well). 1 year of pain for 15 days of traveling, worth it? I've pretty differing views of tuition at different times. Some days if I'm tired, I will feel like tuition is a pain in the ass, but during other days, I feel happy teaching tuition cause I feel like I am making a difference.

But no regrets... Now I am at the stage where I have time, but no money. And it only takes up 2 hours of my time per week.

My itinerary for Europe trip in September: Prague -> Rome -> Santorini -> Mykonos -> Athens -> Budapest. I'll be going with Olivia, Fang and Debra.

Sometimes, I wonder if my love for traveling is driven by my mundane life at work. Overall, traveling is a very pleasant thing, I haven't met any person who dislike traveling, but perhaps I like traveling even more now that I have a job. When you have a job, you sell your time away, doing things you would not do if not for the money. And a holiday is a good break from all of that.

Life is full of trade-offs. I wish I had unlimited money to travel to every nook and cranny of the world. But nope, when I have some money, I will not have the time or the health. So I'll travel to new places within my means, cus I might never have the chance to do that next time. Meanwhile, I will earn the expenses of each trip with tuition!

Why can't I lie

Some days I hate myself. Hate myself for not being able to lie or not thinking before making a statement.

I've been to some interviews. So far, in all interviews I've been to, there's always something I said wrongly. I try to plan all my answers beforehand, but sometimes a random question pops out and I find myself responding too fast. Before I know it, I said something wrong. Words of truth slips out of my mouth. Damage is done. I don't get the job. That's it.

I've learnt this so many times, the hard way. But I repeat this mistake again and again. What to do? Blame myself and wallow in self pity? Praying for more interviews to come my way so I get more chances, and more chances to practise. Hopefully one day, I can be perfect.

Meanwhile, I'll have to endure at my current job. My punishment for being so truthful and speaking too fast without thinking what the interviewers would think of me. Sigh...

I have a morbid thought

What if there's just no meaning for humans to live? Just that we were born to this world with a long life, and to make time pass faster, we deceive ourselves and come up with the idea that our lives have meaning?

Isn't that not possible? Some days I keep pondering about my meaning in life and I can't come up with any. Yes perhaps I say I want to make a difference in someone's life. What's the use? The "someone" would probably die one day. We were all born to die, so how does making a difference in someone's "bound to die" life make you feel better? Everything is fleeting and easy forgotten, and probably have no meaning.

Meaning is probably an opiate everyone takes to make them feel better... About their meaningless life