Hole in my heart

Nothing can repair this hole.

FUCK

I would rather die nowww

But I'm brave

Life goes on. When will this fact ever sink into my brain?

Regardless of all my failures in life.

Maybe one day I'll look back and think how stupid and lame this whole thing is and how stupid I was to let this thing affect me so much.

This moment in time. Sucks.

Emo

Feeling emotional right now

Cus of a few things:

1. The results release tmrw

This is the main thing thats freaking me out. Alright, I know I haven't really done my best for this sem cus I was preoccupied with CO and stuff. Plus I didn't do a 30 mark question in bizlaw and I wasn't a good presenter in bizcomm and I wasn't good in korean.

I HATE BEING AVERAGE

Howzzz? I need to face the music tmrw and I'm so scared. I know my results are screwed and I don't want to face it cus I don't want to feel sad.

I used to be so confident. I don't know what happened to me after secondary school.

I need to face the music tmrw, bravely. And this whole thing is making me moody x___x

2. I've decided not to buy the JYJ concert ticket in Busan (EVEN THOUGH I'M AT BUSAN DURING THAT TIME)

I hope I won't regret. I've asked for L's opinions regarding this and I agreed with what he said.

"Best seats or none" Plus it is so expensive. I couldn't afford to spend another 300$ on concert tickets after I bought the KMW tickets x____x

3. HIMYM Season 2 ending (I know this is lame)

But Robin and Ted broke up. They were so made for each other!! They had different goals in life. So what! I do not understand anyone who doesn't want to get married.

Alright, goodnight. Thank you for listening to me and I hope I can fall asleep.

I'll make you try to stay

I'm so scared of change right now. Sometimes this whole thing seem so incredible that I can't seem to believe. To have people actually give that much of self worth, is weird. Not that I don't have self worth, but THAT amount??

I don't want all this to change. But too much isnt good either. Ohwelll

Lets go into pictures!

I love this colour combination and I painted it myself!! Hehehe, nice right? But I don't dare to paint it on my left hand cus my right hand isn't pro enough. I don't want to keep removing nail polishes x_x So now my left hand is totally bare, and the above picture is of my right hand.

Munling was so nice to lend me the black shatter nail polish from OPI. It's awesome and I wonder whats the technology behind it. But I dun have a nice base coat colour to go with it, simply cus I don't have silver nail polish. Ohwell, maybe I can buy more when I get to korea!

My sister's birthday yesterday! My mum is simply obsessed with the above shown cake. She bought it for my birthday last year, for my father's birthday this year and now my sister's this year. Srsly!! But since she's the one who is shelling out the money for birthday cakes I shall not complain. It tastes quite nice actually. It's peanut and chocolate.

A new clutch I got from my father! My father imported this and it is now selling at his shops. Envelope clutches are all the trend now. My father said he see alot of people selling these clutches during his korea buying trips. So far, this has been my bag whenever I go out and it is getting tiring to hold this bag all the while. But I really like it alot and my macbook/A4 paper fits into it. Howzzz :/

Me in my VJ uniform.

Oh, how tight the skirt was!

Recently I went for the VJCO concert with my sister. I totally cannot believe that VJCO got silver. Srsly!! Not that I'm disappointed or what, but I think their concert was good. But they still got silver. Ohwell, what a distasteful award.

I'm going to Korea soooooooon, I can't wait (: (: (:

The dilemma:

The DSLR or the Lumix

The Macbook or none?

Pride fight

It feels like I'm constantly "fighting" my pride with someone else's

Whether they know it or not

But I constantly feel it

Like if you refuse to talk to me, then I shall not talk to you too

Like if someone tries to impose their beliefs/values on me

(unless that you're not close to me, then I'll pretend to agree so that it doesnt hurt our already weak relationship)

I feel so pissed off

Like if you think I must remember every of my 12 friends' birthday and I don't.

I DO NOT THINK SO

Why must you impose what you think on me? I'll just fight it.

Like if want me to take initiative and I don't feel the need

Wonder if this post is too angsty?

x_x

Awesome times after hell

Starbucks!! Since I entered university, I started to like starbucks more. Or rather I like to buy a cup (only either java chip or green tea cream frappe) at starbucks, sit down, relax and talk. Awesome times are spent there

Thats part of where I spent my day today with L!

Finally not in my black polo tee.

It was a nice relaxing evening!! We always joke around until I can't stop laughing.

If you didn't know, I'm currently doing a 9 day stint as a sales associate at Robinsons. & I feel so suffocated. My feet hurts everyday.

It's like the worst job ever. I do not understand how someone can stay there for 10 freaking years. I'm selling sportswear.

But I know nuts about sportswear.

The customers who come ask me all sorts of things

"Does this shoe expand after wearing?"

how would I know??

"Is this pair of shorts for running or for badminton?"

Is there any difference? Does it matter, really?

"Whats the difference between these two singlets?"

What can I say? Running, relaxing. Anything la. You have a special singlet just for running?

"Why your price differs so much from the NIKE store?"

LIKE I KNOW. It is 50% off leh. You want to buy or not?

Of cus I didnt say out the things I typed in italics, but thats what I thought of at that moment!

STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS. I'm not sure cus you asked a STUPID question. Srsly... And I dun want to smoke cus I dun want to mislead.

I'm okay with customers asking questions. But when I say I'm not sure, why can't you just let it pass?

And I dislike those customers who will appear pissed off when I tell them I'm not sure. Am I all knowing? I'm already trying my best to understand more about sportswear given the limited time I have! I listen attentively when my fellow full time colleagues tell me more about the merchandise. I even asked L more about the different jerseys.

But given these 5 days, could I know everything in the sportswear dept?

Please forgive me if I can't answer your question. Won't you give me a chance? I'm new, and I'm a temporary.

I'll never ever do retail sales again. Unless at USS, which is a way BETTER environment than Robinsons cus the guests never ask stupid questions.

Stop being so hard on us. I'm given a normal pay, not even fantastic.

Let me go home

My father's back.

I'm letting this song play from a blog. Feeling emo and relaxed at the same time. What a wonderful feeling it is.

I love reading blogs.

I think I really should include more photos here. But I'm sooo lazy to bring my DSLR outxxx. And can I change it to a canon please? hahaha

Sometimes I feel tired. It's like you constantly have this thing on your mind, this thing that you've to commit to. It's so scary to let this thing control you.

And my mood has to be affected by it. I can say I always dun let people affect me too much since the start of JC1. So all along even if I did affect people, I dun let them affect me back. I always leave or ignore when a certain people starts to affect me too much.

This time, it is to allow myself to be vulnerable. I HATE THIS FEELING.

But then again, I need change in my life.

Ohwelll, it is too early to judge if it's a good/bad thing. I'll let time do it. I hope it is a good thing

I just want to go home

Never ending wants

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have

Chanced upon this quote while I was blog-hopping (again) and I think it is pretty true. If so, then I've never been happy in my life. Cus there's always something that I want. And I dun like some of the things I have. Like the freckles on my face, the instruments I have, the macbook that I have, my CAP. I always want something better. I want no freckles on my face, I want nicer instruments, I want a faster macbook, I need to do better for university.

& facebook exacerbates it all

It is so easy to stalk a person on facebook. All you need to do is to be friends. And it is sooo easy to be friends with other people on facebook. I'm friends with some people I hate (isnt it ironic) and some people whom I've only seen but never talked to before. There are some people on facebook I absolutely admire! Their lives seem so perfect. They are pretty/handsome, have a handsome/pretty bf/gf. They go out alot and always look good in all their photos. They do well for their exams and can juggle their external commitments and school work so well!

Then I compare them to myself. I seem to be some fucking loser that can't do anything properly. Don't have looks and ability.

Also, of cus there are some things that I'm glad I have.

I think I should just keep out of Facebook. I NEED to WANT what I have...

Mistaken

Recently I've been mistaken.

I felt comfortable with the past and I wanted to apply this past to now. Which obviously doesnt work out.

Last night, I was on a roller coaster ride. Every turn was exciting and eventful. I couldnt dictate where the ride was going, and it was fun precisely because I didnt know where I was going. It was bad as well cus I can't decide on the direction. Then I ended up crashing to the ground.

Now, I'm on this car thats moving at a steady speed and I've some control on the direction the car is moving in. I know it won't crash cus it's slow and steady.

This lack of direction seem to have affected me a little. I couldn't decide on my own and it felt weird leading for the first time

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I blog-hopped around before I came back to my own blog. Well, cus I've read what almost all of the blogs I know and there's no more blogs to visit.

Everyone seems to be really busyyy. I'm yearning for a good entry somewhere x_x

Everynight before I sleep, I tend to reflect on the things in life. Then I'll almost always come to a resolution. I always want to blog about how I feel, but when tmrw morning comes, the mundanity of life makes me forget everything I thought of the night before. So I always have nothing to write when I come to this space.

Alright time to sleep. I promise better blog posts onwards (: