Nua at home sunday

It's a sunday and I'm not going to my grandma's house cus my father isn't in Singapore. And I'm kinda enjoying it x_x

I woke up today, watched a bit of HIMYM then had pizza hut for lunch. Then I continued watching HIMYM. hahaha isn't this kind of life nice? After all, I spent 5 days this week in school. Matriculation and CO practices. I don't know why I get so tired easily. I had like 10 hours of sleep yesterday, but after 6 hours of CO practice, I was so tired I knocked out on the sofa for like 2 hours before I went to bathe.

It feels awesome to stay at home all I want and do whatever I want, mainly nua-ing.

School's starting and I really dunno what to do for my last GEM, I want to have a free day, but it looks quite impossible x_x I think I really need a free day to go off, to re-charge or to study. And for my GEM, it's a battle between choosing something I'm interested in or something that I think I'll do well in.

Haiiii

Plus I'm really feeling insecure about myself. About my abilities. The recent events have made me doubt a lot of my abilities, like the ability to do well in exams, the ability to thrive in a university environment, the ability to make decisions without asking people for opinion, the ability to juggle my cca and my university education, the ability to play my ZR well. These insecurities are killing me, I think about them every night before I sleep and I can't sleep cus "All my life, I wanted to be an A, but I ended up being a B+" I started questioning myself. How did I manage to do some of things in the past which I can't do now?? It just kills and it upsets me.

All I know now is to do my best, cus I'm left with nothing. I can't do any worse

ZR woes

As you know, I play the ZR in the chinese orchestra. & I only picked it up during JC2/JC1 year end, so I'm not good at it. Or rather I'm quite noob x_x

In life, I always strive to do my best in whatever I do. But in ZR, I can't seem to be a better player.

And it kills me to have to practise and struggle

I HATE TO STRUGGLE. And I HATE TO BE AVERAGE.

But in this aspect, I've no choice. There's no way I can sight read/play better than people who have like 4/5 more years of experience behind them.

I'll always have to struggle, for the rest of my life.

Sigh. Life sucks..

Kite flying

I don't really like the new uploading photos function in Blogger x_x
The old one sucks too. Why is it so hard to manipulate the photos around!! Sometimes I even need to resort to "Edit HTML"

Flying my chinese mermaid kite

Dying under the heat :(

L says he really likes this photo cus it looks natural. I was trying to stop my hat from flying off and using one hand to control the kite

He makes it seem like flying a kite is no effort, but that's not true!!

I look nicer in this photo, but he closed his eyes :(

Feeling really sian after failing a fewww times x_x (as seen above)

Picnic!

& it's a picnic at Marina Barrage! An awesomely sunny and hot day. We went to the barrage at about 2pm, when the sun was high up in the sky :(

The food we brought. I brought the pink konnyaku jelly, stuffed mushrooms (a recipe I found online) and fried rice! L brought giant strawberries with fondue chocolate, which kinda heated up under the hot sun. He also cooked prawn and mushroom omelette which failed (: chocolate muffins, fried japanese chicken and cheese hotdogs! You can see my mermaid kite in the background also.

Close up of my awesome fried rice (:

 Awesome omelette!

L!

& me with the straw hat he bought. He bought this hat and a mini fan that can spray water! So thoughtful, and they helped to cool us down, slightly. Behold my reddddd hair (: (:

L looking gay with the straw hat

Took some fujifilm! 3 photos cus we thought the first one failed. He was too tall for the photo. After we took 2 more shots, we conclude that the first shot is still the nicest (: Nicest's on the left

Us busy eating

L's dirty white Pedro Shoes and my black sandals from Charles & Keith









more kite flying photos in the next post!!

Marry the night

Back from a jog and the water tastes so nice. Hopefully I'll have more motivation to go for more jogs. My friend was saying that after she started working she had to exercise cus it helped her keep her energy level high.

Recently, I keep feeling lethargic even though I had like 8-10 hours of sleep. Okay lah, maybe cus I slept really late like 2/3am. I want to kick off one of my hardest-to-kick habit, sleeping so late. Sometimes it's just uncontrollable. It's like I was raised to sleep late. I never had to sleep early cus my parents slept late too. From last time, I think the earliest I ever slept was like 12am (when I could remember, maybe when I was about pri1 cus I wanted to watch the HK dramas at night) It's so hard cus I always have things to do at night. Like talking on facebook, watching HIMYM and stuff! I shall try, by making conscious effort to sleep early.

So behind schedule I'm going to die. Maybe I shan't be so hateful towards people anymore and try to understand where they're coming from.

Need to improve myself, need to take more photos, need to not be lazy.

You & I

Just got back home from Lady Gaga's showcase. Tickets courtesy of my sister.

It was AWESOME. You know, I never thought I would ever see Lady Gaga live, but I did!! She sang Judas as her last song, my favourite song. She had beautiful turquoise hair and wonderful performing skills!  Except it would have been better if it wasn't so squeezy, I didn't have the space to jump around and we were packed like sardines x_x It feels good to raise my head up for one second cus then I can feel the cool breeze. And below? It's hot like an oven :(

Anyway I went for the NUSCO matriculation fair/house party/welcome tea photoshoot yesterday. & I really liked all the photos cus they are all so nice! (:
You can skip this whole section cus it would be a spam of 22 photos. Photo courtesy of Tang Enoch! Enoch helped me with the posters too (:

I cant mix relationship with work. It kills and I'll feel unhappy with the person if I'm unhappy with work.
Howzzz?

I can't talk when I cry. And when people start talking to me again about a certain topic, I'll start to cry and can't talk. Howzzz?

Think these two problems are unsolvable cus they prevailed since dunno when. And, they may/will become major problems in my life now. Howzzz

Scary me

Sometimes I think I'm a scary person, with emotions that I can't control.

I can be so different at different times based on my moods that I scare myself

Hai.

Lady Gaga is my hero. I sometime feel like a loserkid, in every way. My insecurities swallow me whole sometimes.
But it's okay to be different.

The Queen

Wonderful day today cus I left early for Bizad O week and have some time to myself. Watched HIMYM for awhile and slept. Totally repaid my sleep debt for the 3 hours sleeps at chalet and on monday.

Need to do a thank you card and figure out what to wear tmrw.

FUCK THIS SPACE

I'm gonna drink my tears and cry.

White lies

My fingertips are burning, from too much practice in one day x_x
I like Cabeza!! hehehe

Anyw I'm really glad that Enoch has agreed to help with photoshoot and posters for the NUSCO welcome tea. Awesomeeee (:

Camp tmrw, really not looking forward to it. I dunno why I have so much inertia to camps x_x
Jialin will be leaving halfway, which means I'll be stuck with people I dunno for one day. Ohwellll

I realize I hate white lies. I deserve the truth.
thank you