I feel so busy everyday. Nowadays. Currently I'm interning at another company in their HR department. I don't really like my job cus I feel like I'm more of like a temp than an intern. I was willing to accept an intern's pay because I think that I would be able to learn something from the company. But I've learnt nothing from this company so far!!! I've just been hired by this lady to clear her backlog. So far I either spend my days doing filing, photocopying or data entry. Things learnt = nothing :( sadly I have not learnt anything much about HR except that it's a lot of admin work! In light of all these, I have resigned and am serving my one week's notice now! I can't wait to be free and concentrate on preparing for my party! :)
Every night I get home I think about something party-related it's driving me crazy. Either it's about the food, or the cake, or thinking of what alcohol to bring there. I wished I'm not so preoccupied with my party, but I'm x_x I can't imagine how it's going to be like for weddings because I feel like there are so many decisions to make! Like what kind of food to order, what kind of cake to have, how big should the cake be? So many decisions and I cant make decisions. Most prolly there will be a lot more decisions to make while preparing for a wedding. I tend to think a lot but I'm indecisive. Too cowardly to choose one alternative over the other. Almost always, I end up making decisions last minute x_x hope I didn't make any wrong decision so far! L has been really patient to listen to me talk about the party the whole time. I think we talk about it like at least 60% of the time we meet up!
Can't wait for the party to come! Skip all the preparation period! Haha
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
A giant leap
You're invited!
In the end I decided to have a pre-birthday celebration and I did this using photoshop. Quite noob :(
It really took me very long to decide on this and I hope I won't regret. I'm so upset over the "no external catering allowed" I keep thinking and complaining about it. My father was quite irritated and asked me not to be such a perfectionist. What if the food sucks? The menu doesn't look very nice :(
And I keep thinking and thinking about other stuffs like what theme am I going to have, what dress am I going to wear, how to decorate the room. O M G
I realize I just need to relax and enjoy the planning/doing part cus it's easier that way. Nothing can be perfect.
I want to have a birthday planner! Then all I need to do is to heck care and just appear on the day itself and enjoy
Enjoy the process, I shall!
Friday, July 13, 2012
My biggest enemy
is my tears... I tear so easily it's sooo embarrassing! I'm turning 21 soon and I seek to be more mature. How can I portray myself to be more mature when I cry so easily? Arghh.
Anyway another dilemma is bugging me recently. Whether to have a farewell + birthday party. I know I told some of my friends that I don't want to have one at the start of the year cus I will just be an awkward penguin. Holding a party means having to socialize with all your friends at once, and maybe give a speech or something. So not me :( I'm also not much of a good host so yeah...
What I'm afraid of, is regret. I will be away in Korea during my actual 21st and it might be good cus I won't need to celebrate it in Singapore. But now I think I will be quite sad on my actual birthday in Korea cus I'll feel alone without most of my friends, L and family. I really don't want that day to come, it'll be my 21st birthday and yet one of the loneliest birthday of my life. So I hope that at least by celebrating it in Singapore, it would make it less painful when I'm over there.
Another factor contributing to this huge dilemma is the venue! I can't seem to find a suitable venue x_x they are all quite expensive and I don't wish to spend so much! Miserly me... Oh and my mum doesn't want me to have a party cus she doesn't want me to invite the relatives. Ever since the fallout, it has been hostile. If I have a party, I want to invite my relatives! My mum offered to give me money for my birthday and asked me not to have a party. And my parents almost quarreled over this, I feel so guilty.
Isn't it complicated? I guess all the factors are pointing to "no party" but I still can't convince myself. Sometimes I really hate myself haizzz. Maybe I should just give up on the idea, and I can get some money $_$
Money for a gift just sounds so... I can just spend it in 1 sec, then there will be nothing left to remember of my 21st. Don't think I will become mature cus I celebrated my birthday anyw.
Any advice? Haha
Anyway another dilemma is bugging me recently. Whether to have a farewell + birthday party. I know I told some of my friends that I don't want to have one at the start of the year cus I will just be an awkward penguin. Holding a party means having to socialize with all your friends at once, and maybe give a speech or something. So not me :( I'm also not much of a good host so yeah...
What I'm afraid of, is regret. I will be away in Korea during my actual 21st and it might be good cus I won't need to celebrate it in Singapore. But now I think I will be quite sad on my actual birthday in Korea cus I'll feel alone without most of my friends, L and family. I really don't want that day to come, it'll be my 21st birthday and yet one of the loneliest birthday of my life. So I hope that at least by celebrating it in Singapore, it would make it less painful when I'm over there.
Another factor contributing to this huge dilemma is the venue! I can't seem to find a suitable venue x_x they are all quite expensive and I don't wish to spend so much! Miserly me... Oh and my mum doesn't want me to have a party cus she doesn't want me to invite the relatives. Ever since the fallout, it has been hostile. If I have a party, I want to invite my relatives! My mum offered to give me money for my birthday and asked me not to have a party. And my parents almost quarreled over this, I feel so guilty.
Isn't it complicated? I guess all the factors are pointing to "no party" but I still can't convince myself. Sometimes I really hate myself haizzz. Maybe I should just give up on the idea, and I can get some money $_$
Money for a gift just sounds so... I can just spend it in 1 sec, then there will be nothing left to remember of my 21st. Don't think I will become mature cus I celebrated my birthday anyw.
Any advice? Haha
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Locking up this feeling
Life's been good. However, it wasn't good all along, last week it sucked.
Even though it sucked, I think I learnt a valuable lesson. I see each setback in life as a lesson. An example is my bizlaw final, which left an indelible mark in my mind. I couldn't finish the bizlaw final in time, more precisely I left a 25-30mark question undone. Oh my I can still remember how lousy I felt when I was on my way back and I dreaded the day I would get my result back. True to my prediction I got a C+ :( I will remember that forever... Because of that incident I now chiong my papers right from the start. All of them! I will do my papers damn fast cus I'm scared of deja vu. Speed is my focus for every paper and since then, I'm proud to say I have never left any paper unfinished :)
Last week, I realized how important my family is to me. I feel really embarrassed of what I said to my parents in my fit of anger. I really really really regretted those hurtful words x_x I realized I tend to say hurtful words to people when I'm angry without thinking of the consequences and how they'll feel. I really want to change this part of me and I hope I can! I don't want to hurt people's feelings and regret afterwards.
Things are okay now and I really feel grateful for everything. Grateful that my parents forgave me. How I wish I can lock up this feeling and re-visit it once in awhile when I'm feeling down and ungrateful. Let this "state" be a reminder to how happy I can be and how I can choose my actions to reach this state. I know it can't be done and I hope I'll remember this incident whenever I'm angry!
x
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