is my tears... I tear so easily it's sooo embarrassing! I'm turning 21 soon and I seek to be more mature. How can I portray myself to be more mature when I cry so easily? Arghh.
Anyway another dilemma is bugging me recently. Whether to have a farewell + birthday party. I know I told some of my friends that I don't want to have one at the start of the year cus I will just be an awkward penguin. Holding a party means having to socialize with all your friends at once, and maybe give a speech or something. So not me :( I'm also not much of a good host so yeah...
What I'm afraid of, is regret. I will be away in Korea during my actual 21st and it might be good cus I won't need to celebrate it in Singapore. But now I think I will be quite sad on my actual birthday in Korea cus I'll feel alone without most of my friends, L and family. I really don't want that day to come, it'll be my 21st birthday and yet one of the loneliest birthday of my life. So I hope that at least by celebrating it in Singapore, it would make it less painful when I'm over there.
Another factor contributing to this huge dilemma is the venue! I can't seem to find a suitable venue x_x they are all quite expensive and I don't wish to spend so much! Miserly me... Oh and my mum doesn't want me to have a party cus she doesn't want me to invite the relatives. Ever since the fallout, it has been hostile. If I have a party, I want to invite my relatives! My mum offered to give me money for my birthday and asked me not to have a party. And my parents almost quarreled over this, I feel so guilty.
Isn't it complicated? I guess all the factors are pointing to "no party" but I still can't convince myself. Sometimes I really hate myself haizzz. Maybe I should just give up on the idea, and I can get some money $_$
Money for a gift just sounds so... I can just spend it in 1 sec, then there will be nothing left to remember of my 21st. Don't think I will become mature cus I celebrated my birthday anyw.
Any advice? Haha
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