On some things

1. On our existence
I had late night mookata with my family last night and while on the car back, my siblings and I discussed about humans' existence. We all know that the universe probably started from the Big Bang. From a long long long time ago, there was this huge mass of matter which exploded due to an extremely strong gravitational force, resulting in the formation of the sun, stars and planets. Pardon my amateur explanation, this is what I understood from what I've read. We also know we have come to be humans through a long evolutionary process.

The question is... how is matter even created? Like how is there a huge mass of matter a long long long time ago? Has it always been there or has it been created? Like a very apt example given by my brother: a sucker fish in a tank will only know the world around it. It gets food everyday, but it might never know who gave it the food. The answer is we will never know. If we've been created by a higher being, how would we ever know who the being is, given that we are its creation? We probably do not have enough intelligence to figure it out. Just like how computers created by us will never have a mind of its own. Furthermore, so many things in our world are governed by very precise laws, examples are pi = 3.14159, the golden ratio, g = 10m2/s. How come the laws in our world are so precise?

We concluded that we'll never know all these things and probably we shouldn't spend time trying to think of our existence. We should try to instead try to lead a happy life, with what we're given (even this is easier said than done).

But some days we really can't help but to wonder...

2. On being independent
Recently I have became less independent. I talked to L and my parents a lot to make me feel better about my current situation. I realized that I have encountered depressing things before, but I wasn't that dependent. I relied on myself. Then I realized that I hate being dependent. Why was I telling people about my bad moods and expecting them to make me feel better? Source of happiness should come from myself. Since yesterday, I have been trying to be less dependent... Hoping it will work. So far it has worked for a day, trudging on. Even if I am sad and I can't snap out of it, then I deserve to wallow in sadness.

When the source of happiness becomes sadness, what do I do?