Everyday, I try to remain optimistic, but it's just so difficult. I have been trying for about 1.5 years already. So far, I've only been short listed for three interviews out of my probably 100+ applications to the job I wanna do!
Why is it so difficult, I keep asking myself? I have been working towards it, I took part in the NUS Student Managed Fund, I went for the stock pitch competition, I took up my current job cus it's something related, I signed up for the CFA exam in June and I tried to do some equity research on my own so I won't get rusty. But I guess all these are still not enough, I still can't compare to those who had professional equity research experience. Who will be willing to give me a chance? Been thinking about it a lot and I have decided to give myself a year to try to get into it... If not I'll settle for something else. Which will make me super depressed as well. What is a life worth living when I can't get to do something I really want and just waste my life away?
I know I might be too fixated on it. And even if I get it, it might not be what I imagined and I might dislike it as well. But... I really need to try it to know, and I can't even get in.
Why did I get so fixated on it? Maybe cus it is something I've tried so hard for, and failed. Most of my other goals, as long as I try hard enough, I do succeed. This is the single thing I've ever wanted for the longest time and I can't get it! This just frustrates the hell out of me.
I slip into these depression cycles once every few weeks and I know I will get over it soon again... Even I get sick of it but I can't help to feel this way. How many times do I have to go through it? Will I be able to break out of this cycle or I'll slump in it? No one knows... It certainly feels like a slump though.
Meanwhile I will try to keep my spirits up and continue to work towards it. Then again, words are cheap, sigh
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